Living in a Van Down on the Farm

Just six weeks ago, I was doing better than I had been in a long time by “normal standards.” I had just bought my dream van. I was working 40+ hours a week at a great restaurant, making good money. Our busiest and most lucrative week of the year lied just ahead. I had funded my new project, was guiding yoga classes almost daily, had picked up Thai Bodywork clients and had all of my ducks in a row to launch. I was living alone in a newly renovated apartment with the high-vaulted ceilings. Blah, blah blah. I had all of these PLANS for the future, when life happened and the COVID-19 pandemic began.

I knew in my gut how uncertain our future was. All I kept thinking was, “adapt or die.” Sounds dramatic, but that’s how I felt. I knew I wouldn’t be able to afford my apartment much longer. I was not confident in getting aide from the government. After trying to work with my apartment complex to no avail, I spoke to a lawyer and decided that breaking my lease early would be my best option. Once the decision was made, it felt right and I knew I had made the right choice. With that being said, even though I was leaving my place because of no fault of my own, my old friends anxiety and shame started to creep in.

I’ve been pretty quiet during this transition and those feelings are mainly why. Instead of diving into self-loathing as I would have in the past, I allowed myself to ride the waves of the emotions. Then, I began to dive deep into their roots. Somewhere along the timeline of the last three years, I developed this checklist of what I needed to have or accomplish in order to be successful, to have it all figured out. Luckily, being quarantined o gives you all the time you need to reflect. I began to realize that checklist had left me unfulfilled.

It will be three weeks on Thursday that I have been living in my van on my childhood best friend’s farm. I am grateful to say I have been happier and felt more inspired than I have in months! I know I could have held on to this facade of having it all together and dug myself back into the deep debt I’ve ben working tirelessly to get out of, but I didn’t. I began to listen to my heart once again. She’d been neglected for some time. In doing so, I feel myself stepping back into my power.

As we reflect on where we are and how we got here, have compassion for yourself and others. I feel having so much taken away from us has given us an opportunity to reconnect with what we find important. Time in nature, access to organic food, clean water, the freedom to move, stable shelter and connection with others have by far been my most missed treasures. We’re all going to come to different awarenesses during this time. Whatever yours are, I challenge you to realign with your values and goals. The answer for everyone isn’t going to be put all of your belongings into a storage unit and move into a 30 year old van. Take whatever steps you can. No matter how small, every little gain counts. I believe living heart forward, living our yoga, is what is going to save us all.

Be sure to keep up with my farm/van life adventures on Instagram www.instagram.com/liveyouryoganow !!!